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The longer I live in this small town, the more I learn of its back story and the personalities who comprise our Wild West village on the transcontinental highway. And as life unfolds one day at a time, I am mystified as continuing stories are peeled back, one membrane at a time. Here, then, is a selection of quirky layers, isolated episodes offered for both your amusement and bemusement.
Now it’s Auburn PD & Limo Service – A recent update in the
Auburn Journal about the ongoing Francisco Evangelista melodrama was a
real stunner. . .in fact, it was as shocking as taking a 50,000-volt
hit from one of the Auburn Police Department’s shiny new Tasers.
Evangelista, a 20-year-old Placer High School graduate, has been behind
bars since late August after he was arrested for allegedly brandishing
a pistol on the campus. No gun has been recovered, and after seemingly
endless hearings in the Placer County Courthouse, the only movement in
the case has been the piling on of a charge of carrying a BB gun on
schools grounds, a felony in this state. The Journal revealed
that following his initial questioning at the school, Evangelista was
released and then given a ride home courtesy of the Auburn Police
Department, with Chief Valerie Harris—no less—serving as chauffeur.
That’s baffling to me, why the city’s Top Cop would take the time when
the campus was crawling with police officers. Hey, on Law & Order a
patrolman always does the driving. And it’s not like Valerie dropped
off Evangelista on the way back to police HQ. The same Auburn
Journal piece presented another remarkable twist: it reported
Evangelista is an undocumented alien. Though he graduated from our
community’s high school, looks as though the kid may have spent most of
his life in the U.S. illegally. Here’s my suggestion on how we
make this whole thing go away: if it is true, schedule a deportation
hearing and send the young man back to the country from which he hails.
At least that will achieve something Public Defender Tim Woodall
hasn’t, and that’s get the kid out of jail. Since that is unlikely to
happen, though, and based on the current leisurely stroll to justice,
plan on addressing any Christmas cards to this unfortunate youth care
of the Placer County Jail.
If Evangelista were to be expelled from the country, however, do you
think we could enlist Chief Harris to drive him to the airport? Speaking
of Tasers, Let’s Party! – The newest addition to the Auburn Police
Department’s exhaustive crime-fighting arsenal is the aforementioned
set of four Taser stun guns recently acquired thanks to the generosity
of the Auburn Masons, who donated $5,000 for the purchase of weapons
billed as “non-lethal.” Some 70 participants—including luminaries from
city and county government—assembled at a dinner early in October to
celebrate the purchase and for the perfunctory presentation of
congratulatory plaques.
I’m beginning to think I should just chalk it up to my own
warped sensibilities, but I find this series of events disturbing.
First, I believe if our police force has a demonstrated need for new
weapons, they should be acquired through established, formal procedures
and the cost of such hardware should be borne by the citizenry. With
the huge financial challenges facing our city, though, it is easy to
see why Taser funding has failed to make it as a budget line item. At
the same time, I think it is wonderful for non-profit organizations to
support local police organizations by contributing essential equipment
such as bullet-proof vests and even police dogs. But when it comes to
writing checks for weapons that minimally will inflict pain on people
and at the extreme have the potential to kill, I have to believe there
are many more worthwhile causes in the community that could be funded
instead. Donating lethal weapons seems to dramatically diminish the
benevolence of giving, in my opinion, and clearly such monumental needs
as homeless shelters, refuges for battered women and the Boys &
Girls Clubs would be more humane options. Am I the only person
wondering if our officers have enough equipment clipped to their
utility belts? About the only thing missing now are nunchucks and
throwing stars. Shall we launch a fund-raising drive? Does
Anyone Read this Stuff? – I don’t spend much time worrying about that,
but sometimes I wonder. After stopping for a hot dog recently, the
question was at least partially answered. On the verge of
starvation, I pulled into Wiener Works on Hwy. 49 to quench a year-long
craving for a tube steak. When the owner, Gary, asked me how I wanted
it, I replied, “All the way.” He looked at me as though I was speaking
in French. “All the way?” he asked. “Yeah, all the way, but I’m guessing you don’t have a clue about what that means.” “Well,” he drolled, “back in high school there were some girls that did that.” “No, no, I mean put everything on it. . .you know, walk it through the garden.” Again, the vacant stare. “So, if I said ‘make it with wheels’ you wouldn’t have a clue, right?” I asked. “I’ve been in this business for 25 years, and I’ve never heard any of those,” Gary replied. We agreed on the toppings and I explained that “with wheels” means “to go.” As
I shook my head about surviving another Midwestern disconnect, I told
Gary that I’m a columnist for a local newspaper, and our little
exchange was something I should write about. “I know who you are. . .you’re Moffat. . .you own that place in Old Town.” “Oh no,” I thought and braced myself, “here we go again.” “I read your column every week,” he said, “and most of the time you get it right.” I don’t know which was more satisfying—the truly glorious hot dog, or kind words from a gentle reader. Okay. . .it’s a push. Gary Moffat is a journalist and he owns Carpe Vino in Old Town Auburn. You can reach him at
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